My life as of today is not where I want it to be. I mean no where remotely close. However, I am mature enough to take accountability on certain things I have done that have led me here. For example, blowing my tuition money because I wanted to be cool and shop more than i cared about going to class. This didn’t mean that I was dumb because as time has gone by, I’ve realized I’m a smart girl. That action led to me causing pain to my mother who was working her ass off to front my bill while she worked in Nigeria. Then, I had no regard for money or understood anything about money. So you see, my mother is the love of my life. She has always been there for me. She made sure I went to the best schools, she wanted a grand education for me. She too was trying to prove something to her peers, that because she is a single mother does not mean she was a terrible mother and she could take care of me. I never doubted that. I didn’t understand this at my early 20s so I suffered terribly because the person who always believed in me was hurt by how selfish I could have been and that led to me feeling disappointed in myself. My father and I never had the kind of relationship my mother and I had. So I couldn’t even call him to be encouraged, so I shut down.
This was the beginning of me facing myself in the mirror everyday knowing that a decision I made had caused someone I loved dearly to view me differently. I started my process of growing up and realizing that every action I take defines who I am. I didn’t know this then, I’m sure if I did I wouldn’t have made these mistakes. And those mistakes wouldn’t haunt me after so many years. I find myself in something I call a mental warfare now. In order for me to heal I have to talk about it. So this is mental warfare1. If I can help someone or let them know that they are not alone in their battles maybe we could all conquer together.
Happy Post Thanksgiving! Hope you all enjoyed the holiday with your loved ones and family! I stepped out in a Ankara style Jumper by Flair . I love this jumpsuit. I always think I’m bigger than what I am, might be a psychological warfare I’m going through a times. I thought I would need a 1X buy I was was able to get fit the Large and still had some room to move around. So I would say her line is definitely true to size. Tell her Oge sent you! 🙂
I hope you all had an amazing thanksgiving! MUAH.
Have you ever found yourself in a place where you had to wait for something? that feeling of waiting on a letter, phone call, email, text that once you receive will change your life? It’s almost as if time is standing still, it feels like ages you have been waiting to hear back the news that you can proceed with living your life the best way you can. But, no. You have been waiting for 10 months, for something you thought would take 3- 4 months for them to make a decision. So how do you go on with life knowing their isn’t much you can do until you get what you are waiting for?
Meanwhile, everyone around you is on the move. Making plans, living their dreams, working on their dreams, basically being productive and here you are at home twenty four seven. You aren’t the idle type, your mind wonders when you are alone for too long. You are used to being productive, waking up at 7 am everyday and not getting home till 7 pm sometimes later to snoozing your 7 am alarm on a daily because it’s a constant reminder of how you have nothing planned for the day. So what do you do to keep busy during this time? besides looking at yourself in the mirror and wondering why you’re still here playing the waiting game. Then it hits you that you are playing the waiting game in more than one aspect of your life.
So here I am, waiting on immigration to make decision on my status, ready to work for what I want but can’t move around to do so, waiting on this weight to drop but not doing anything about it because I feel so lost and hopeless that I work out once a week when I could do two a days, five days a week on a good week, ready to start a family but waiting on my man to be … nvm. I isolate myself so much now because I’m just not happy. Then, I have a conversation with my dad and he reminds me that I am his first child(ADA) and i should be taking care of him. He’s accurate. The shame I carry not being able to take care of my parents alone could drown me in misery. But here you are in a country trying to become someone and make something of yourself. I am a strong person I know that but I will be lying through my teeth if i said I am happy with the way things are. However, I can’t control it. Trying to not worry about something you cannot control is hard.
New York Girl Grey Jacket
Meri K Burgundy Coat
Price: $39.99 (SOLD OUT)
Alfani Green Jacket.
Steve Evans Black MultiColor Coat
How to Purchase:
Go to the Contact Tab on the home page. Leave your full name, name of coat, email address and mailing address in the comment box. An email will be sent to you within 5 hours with a Square Cash username to pay the amount to. Free shipping on all items above. These items are Final Sale. No refund or Exchanges. Items will be shipped within 3- 5 business days.
These items were hand picked by me. Thrifting is a very tedious activity, this season I wanted to bring you a selection of vintage coats for Fall. I did some major scouting for One of one pieces that you can’t find anywhere, show stopping, conversational starter pieces that’ll have everyone asking “WHERE DID YOU GET THAT?”.
Thank you for your future support.
If you keep up with me, you know that I love TD Jakes. I came across this video this morning after working out. I needed affirmation, my mind and body was craving to be uplifted. When I am alone I tend to overthink and be in my head a lot. This video has been playing for 10 minutes now because I need it to resonate with me. I believe every word that is being spoken. You just have to believe in God and yourself. Life can make you feel like God has forgotten about you, he hasn’t. If you know half of what I I have experienced and still go through and constantly come out of it. I know God is watching me. My mom will tell you that God has been on my side. I have had moments in my life where I felt like God had forgotten about me. Biggest mistake I made thinking that way. But, God kept showing me that I am his daughter and he loves me despise my sins. I just had to believe. Believe in him, believe that things that have happened have made me who I am. Now, when someone has experienced something similar to what I have I can honestly tell them that it will be ok. And if I haven’t experienced what you have yet, I know you will come out of that darkness if you believe and trust in God.
It’s a new season, things are about to change. Something is about to happen!