Have you ever found yourself in a place where you had to wait for something? that feeling of waiting on a letter, phone call, email, text that once you receive will change your life? It’s almost as if time is standing still, it feels like ages you have been waiting to hear back the news that you can proceed with living your life the best way you can. But, no. You have been waiting for 10 months, for something you thought would take 3- 4 months for them to make a decision. So how do you go on with life knowing their isn’t much you can do until you get what you are waiting for?
Meanwhile, everyone around you is on the move. Making plans, living their dreams, working on their dreams, basically being productive and here you are at home twenty four seven. You aren’t the idle type, your mind wonders when you are alone for too long. You are used to being productive, waking up at 7 am everyday and not getting home till 7 pm sometimes later to snoozing your 7 am alarm on a daily because it’s a constant reminder of how you have nothing planned for the day. So what do you do to keep busy during this time? besides looking at yourself in the mirror and wondering why you’re still here playing the waiting game. Then it hits you that you are playing the waiting game in more than one aspect of your life.
So here I am, waiting on immigration to make decision on my status, ready to work for what I want but can’t move around to do so, waiting on this weight to drop but not doing anything about it because I feel so lost and hopeless that I work out once a week when I could do two a days, five days a week on a good week, ready to start a family but waiting on my man to be … nvm. I isolate myself so much now because I’m just not happy. Then, I have a conversation with my dad and he reminds me that I am his first child(ADA) and i should be taking care of him. He’s accurate. The shame I carry not being able to take care of my parents alone could drown me in misery. But here you are in a country trying to become someone and make something of yourself. I am a strong person I know that but I will be lying through my teeth if i said I am happy with the way things are. However, I can’t control it. Trying to not worry about something you cannot control is hard.