A story about a little girl who admired her father:
Born into a happy family and by age 3 her world that she once knew fell apart because two adults couldn’t get it together. Father was blinded by his hate for her mother that he couldn’t see his daughters heart breaking.
Words are powerful. She learned that pretty fast. Once, her father looked her in her eyes and told her he wanted nothing to do with her. In that moment, she say a man that was so prideful and needed love also. So she never hated him. She was 11. Deeply in need of her fathers love, she had felt it before so she knew he was capable of loving her but struggled.
Meanwhile, mother picks up his slack in a major way. She made decisions without consulting him. She took over, she did everything she could to provide a good life for her daughter. Daughter had no structure, so she finds it hard to trust relationships, trust herself and wondered if it was ok to be herself. How could she? The first man she loved disowned her when things got rough.
I think she just wanted to be enough in his eyes. She notices how she started treating her mother at her adult age. As if she blamed her mother. What she understood as time went on is that her mother did the best and more to make sure she didn’t have to feel the way she did. So when she falls short she feels bad because she knows the sacrifices her mother made for her.
So she built this wall that will take the purest of hearts, true intentions and one willing to understand her background to know how to love her for who she was, is and becoming. The question is how will she be able to identify that love when it comes? Or will she sabotage it?
But first, she needs to understand that what she’s been through is what has made her who she is. Sins of her fathers past may follow her but she doesn’t have to succumb to it. So she looks forward to the day she may have a love of her own and correct the mistakes made so she can re write her unborn children’s faith.
She is her.