Mental Warfare 1

My life as of today is not where I want it to be. I mean no where remotely close. However, I am mature enough to take accountability on certain things I have done that have led me here. For example, blowing my tuition money because I wanted to be cool and shop more than i cared about going to class. This didn’t mean that I was dumb because as time has gone by, I’ve realized I’m a smart girl. That action led to me causing pain to my mother who was working her ass off to front my bill while she worked in Nigeria. Then, I had no regard for money or understood anything about money. So you see, my mother is the love of my life. She has always been there for me. She made sure I went to the best schools, she wanted a grand education for me. She too was trying to prove something to her peers, that because she is a single mother does not mean she was a terrible mother and she could take care of me. I never doubted that. I didn’t understand this at my early 20s so I suffered terribly because the person who always believed in me was hurt by how selfish I could have been and that led to me feeling disappointed in myself. My father and I never had the kind of relationship my mother and I had. So I couldn’t even call him to be encouraged, so I shut down.

This was the beginning of me facing myself in the mirror everyday knowing that a decision I made had caused someone I loved dearly to view me differently. I started my process of growing up and realizing that every action I take defines who I am. I didn’t know this then, I’m sure if I did I wouldn’t have made these mistakes. And those mistakes wouldn’t haunt me after so many years. I find myself in something I call a mental warfare now. In order for me to heal I have to talk about it. So this is mental warfare1. If I can help someone or let them know that they are not alone in their battles maybe we could all conquer together.

The Waiting Game

Have you ever found yourself in a place where you had to wait for something? that feeling of waiting on a letter, phone call, email, text that once you receive will change your life? It’s almost as if time is standing still, it feels like ages you have been waiting to hear back the news that you can proceed with living your life the best way you can. But, no. You have been waiting for 10 months, for something you thought would take 3- 4 months for them to make a decision. So how do you go on with life knowing their isn’t much you can do until you get what you are waiting for?

Meanwhile, everyone around you is on the move. Making plans, living their dreams, working on their dreams, basically being productive and here you are at home twenty four seven. You aren’t the idle type, your mind wonders when you are alone for too long. You are used to being productive, waking up at 7 am everyday and not getting home till 7 pm sometimes later to snoozing your 7 am alarm on a daily because it’s a constant reminder of how you have nothing planned for the day. So what do you do to keep busy during this time? besides looking at yourself in the mirror and wondering why you’re still here playing the waiting game. Then it hits you that you are playing the waiting game in more than one aspect of your life.

So here I am, waiting on immigration to make decision on my status, ready to work for what I want but can’t move around to do so, waiting on this weight to drop but not doing anything about it because I feel so lost and hopeless that I work out once a week when I could do two a days, five days a week on a good week, ready to start a family but waiting on my man to be … nvm. I isolate myself so much now because I’m just not happy. Then, I have a conversation with my dad and he reminds me that I am his first child(ADA) and i should be taking care of him. He’s accurate. The shame I carry not being able to take care of my parents alone could drown me in misery. But here you are in a country trying to become someone and make something of yourself. I am a strong person I know that but I will be lying through my teeth if i said I am happy with the way things are. However, I can’t control it. Trying to not worry about something you cannot control is hard.

 

Something is about to happen…

 

 

If you keep up with me, you know that I love TD Jakes. I came across this video this morning after working out. I needed affirmation, my mind and body was craving to be uplifted. When I am alone I tend to overthink and be in my head a lot. This video has been playing for 10 minutes now because I need it to resonate with me. I believe every word that is being spoken. You just have to believe in God and yourself. Life can make you feel like God has forgotten about you, he hasn’t. If you know half of what I I have experienced and still go through and constantly come out of it. I know God is watching me. My mom will tell you that God has been on my side. I have had moments in my life where I felt like God had forgotten about me. Biggest mistake I made thinking that way. But, God kept showing me that I am his daughter and he loves me despise my sins. I just had to believe. Believe in him, believe that things that have happened have made me who I am. Now, when someone has experienced something similar to what I have I can honestly tell them that it will be ok. And if I haven’t experienced what you have yet, I know you will come out of that darkness if you believe and trust in God.

It’s a new season, things are about to change. Something is about to happen!

21 Lessons I Have Learned So Far.

 

  1. You have to believe in something. I believe in God.
  2. Listen to your parents. They’ve made some mistakes and are only trying to save you from making the same mistakes they did.
  3. Figure out your “WHY”. This is how you know what your purpose in life is. What do you want to be known for in this life? How do people view you? Are you adding value into other people’s lives?
  4. Drink a lot of water !
  5. Find an outlet- Writing is my therapy.
  6. Do not envy anyone. It brews something nasty inside of you, I much rather you be confident in who you are.
  7. Embrace your shortcomings. They make you.
  8. Do not sit around and talk about other people. Move around from those who do.
  9. Love is enough. Society makes you think otherwise. Isn’t God’s Love enough ? I mean you are alive!
  10. Learn the act of Forgiveness– Forgetting is another story.
  11. Do not hold in any animosity towards anyone. It will take a toll on you.
  12. Everyone is not your friend – You would think I would have resonated with this statement. Now, I have.
  13. Be fearless – Fuck what they think!
  14. Take a chance on someone  or loose them to someone else.
  15. Never regret anything you do, learn from it.
  16. Be careful so you don’t make the same mistake twice.
  17. Love yourself, You set the standard for what you accept into your life.
  18. When you are stripped off the filters, social media, weave, acrylic, lashes etc. Are you happy with who you are? If no, stop what you are doing and start loving you! If yes, isn’t it a beautiful feeling?
  19. Let your walls down, trust love. Love isn’t perfect neither are you. So be easy on those who hurt you. For most of them know not what they do.
  20. Be thankful to whatever source you get your energy from. God beams over my life!
  21. Read more, keep learning. Always be a Student of Life. That’s why my Instagram bio says “Student”.

Today on #WhatsYourGirlReading .

This past week, I made my way to Barnes & Nobles to pass time as I had a meeting in the City Centre area of Houston within the next hour. I read “The Worm and the Bird” by Coralie Bickford Smith. It was the shortest book I had ever read and with time not on my side it was the perfect read. I also looked at the new releases and saw a few that I wanted to read. I’m trying to read more, with social media being most people’s choice of entertainment I have to read often to keep a balance. My father is who really introduced me to reading. He would give me a “Vanguard” newspaper in Nigeria to read the first page as he read as well. So that was a way we bonded. It’s been years since I have seen my father so when I read I think of him a lot.
So, here are a few books that really caught my attention.


Have you read any? Which would you suggest I start reading first? Would you like to read with me and we talk about it? If so, comment below!

8 Things To Consider Before Moving In With Your Significant Other.

8 Things To Consider Before Moving In With Your Significant Other.

 

Everyone has their specific reasons to why they choose to do what they do. At the time, it was more feasible for me to stay under one roof with my S.O and it was a decision i made for me, I was happy with my decision. However, living with your S.O can be fun but yet challenging. Here a few things to consider if you are thinking about it moving in with your S.O .

Communication skills

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This can be very beneficial since you both live under one roof. You all are able to speak to each other more, diffuse arguments better or things can escalate pretty fast! You have to make sure you and your partner are great communicators. If not, this may pose as a issue and one may just move out and cause the relationship to end.

Cleaning Duties

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One person is always messier than the other. Have a chart and place it on the refrigerator, so you both know whose turn it is to clean. That may be helpful. The last thing you want is to have a heated argument because someone didn’t clean off their plate and place it in the dishwasher! Also, if you notice the house it messy, tidy it up. This keeps your partner at attention next time to do the same.

Less Texting

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This cute thing that your friends and their boyfriends do will slow down for you dramatically. But don’t fret my dear, keep in mind your man/woman is/will be at home when you get there. I suggest you try to text while away, talk to them about your day or send them funny videos from Instagram. Be cute. You always want them to feel missed. Not texting may come off as if you are happy to be away from them. That isn’t a great feeling to have.

Date Nights

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Well, no more getting cute and surprising him/her as they pick you up or you arrive on the date scene looking fabulous. Now, you two will be getting ready together! Which can be fun. You may also notice that you all are going out less now because you all spend majority of the time together. Take outs will be your best friend.

Package Deals

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Oh the amount of friends that would much rather not hang with you because you two are now a package deal. I suggest you have a life outside of your S.O so that when you all bring your group of friends together is turns into a house party or kick back!

Where did the spark go?

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The fire between you two will go up and down, up and down and back down and up. If you all are not careful the spark could take months to light up! You have to constantly make an effort to do the things your S.O likes. Maybe send her flowers at work, or ladies you buy him a a nice t shirt and ask him to wear it out for date night. Always be spontaneous, women love that stuff! make plans for us a times, take charge. Ladies, have his meal waiting for him and you in a nice piece of lingerie, run his bath water, massage his feet. Carter to him, and watch the sparks fly!

Sex

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Sex can either become constant or stagnant. You all have access to all the rooms in the house to get naughty! And for some sex becomes a chore. You don not want to fall in that category. But if you are present in your relationship and not absent minded you will notice these things I have listed and try to fix it immediately. Being spontaneous, planning a date night for your girl, whispering sweet somethings in her ear makes her feel sexy, confident and wakes her up down there! If men did more of this, women would be more willing to do things to make you happy without “nagging” all the time.

Love

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I am simply going to say this, your love will be tested during this time. You have to make sure your bond is strong enough. Moving in will either strengthen your love or weaken it.

 

Disclaimer: I am in no way saying it is right to move in with your S.O before marriage. We are all adults and are able to make decisions for ourselves. Moving in with your S.O is a preference and most people have different reasons why they decide to make this commitment. But I do hope if you are living with your S.O this is someone you want spend the rest of your life with.

You Are Not Your Past!

 

Forgive yourself

you are not your past, some people will find this hard to believe

It isn’t your job to prove anything to them.

God is who you have to answer to not MAN,

Every day be a better version of you.

Speak life into yourself when no one does,

Tell yourself you’re beautiful, you are worthy, you are enough, YOU ARE NOT YOUR PAST.

Never mistake me for my past ever again!